Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
