before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
