I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Someone stole a lamp last night.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
