summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
