When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
