i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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