I can tuck mytits in my pants
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I feel like a drive thru vagina
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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