he wants to bone in the snuggie
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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