I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
