The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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