I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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