Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
