My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
