i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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