Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
