Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
