is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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