shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
