my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
We got so high we made milksteak
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
