Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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