As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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