So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
