it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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