so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
