It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
