he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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