I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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