You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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