girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
only if we run a train.
done.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
