dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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