Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
