I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
