You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
