Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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