anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
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Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
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I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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