After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
What a dumb baby whore.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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