why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
