On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
