i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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