yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
