You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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