i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
