turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
