I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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