I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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