there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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