If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
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