Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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