I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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