oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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