Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
