it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
