We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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