I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
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