Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
