I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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