You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Someone came in the potted fern
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
