I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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