She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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