She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
