he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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