i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Randomize
