oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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