Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
