okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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