me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
