gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
