How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
