I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
