Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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