i think my mom watched the whole time
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
