You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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