she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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