Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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