No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He felt like a one man threesome
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
