having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
