Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
